What’s the Point?

[LISTEN TO THE PODCAST HERE] In this episode we’re going to consider why you got into real estate to begin with, and take a deep dive into what it takes for longevity and happiness in this work. (spoiler alert: it’s Purpose). Finally I will leave you with a simple practice to keep yourself focused on your purpose, so one day YOU can fight ME for the title of Happiest Person in Real Estate

Viktor Frankl, the Austrian neurologist and Holocaust survivor who wrote the classic book ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ wrote: "To the European, it is a characteristic of the American culture that, again and again, one is commanded and ordered to 'be happy.' But happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue. One must have a reason to 'be happy.'"

Did you ever expect real estate to make you happy? Rich maybe, and then happy, but not the other way around. I got into RE because I had burned out of the career I was trained for (education) and I needed money. I figured, if I had enough money I would be happy. But within about a year of committing to the industry I was in worse financial condition than I’d started, and more burned out than I had ever been as a teacher. 

So that begs the question: why did I stay in it? Mostly because I had no other options—with 4 kids from infant to 12 years old, I HAD to make some money, but I was anything but happy, My marriage was disintegrating, we almost lost our house twice, and then we lost a baby... At about 2 years in, being burned out by my work became the least of my problems. It got really dark at one point. But that dark place forced me to make a choice: Would I be forever defined by the things that the world did to me? 

I just thought, well, I can’t seem to fix my own problems, so I’ll just focus on solving other people’s problems. That was the new perspective I took on my work. I still wasn’t making much money but doing the work felt a lot better. When I looked at work like something I did to serve other people, it didn’t seem so hard, and people really responded to it, so I kept doing it that way. Then more people came to me for help, and I felt even better. Was this—HAPPINESS?

According to social psychologist Roy Baumeister it turns out that what sets human beings apart from animals is not the pursuit of happiness, which occurs all across the natural world, but the pursuit of meaning, which is unique to humans.

Does that mean that the awesome feeling you get when you cash a big closing check is not actually happiness? No, according to Bauminster it actually very much IS happiness. But it’s the same happiness your dog experiences when she catches a frisbee. Happiness is not a uniquely human experience. But Meaning or Purpose is.

So you can be happy that you got paid a big check for a closing, but the feeling lasts about as long as the bank balance does, right? In contrast, remembering that time you saved a family from foreclosure...that’s a feeling that sticks. That’s purpose. It’s what keeps you in real estate and off the ledge, right?

The poet Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote:

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”

So look at the work that we do, and the people for whom we do it. They are almost always at a vulnerable benchmark moment in their lives, with lots at stake. Can you imagine how you could be useful, honorable, and compassionate to them at that moment? If you keep the pursuit of purpose in mind as you do your work, that in-your-bones happiness (and commission checks btw) will naturally follow.

Here’s something you can do to keep your mind tuned on purpose and see if you start to find yourself feeling happier in your work as a real estate pro:

1. Think of some of the best experiences you’ve had in your work. Moments where you were like, ‘This is why I do what I do!’ What were the circumstances? Maybe it was helping a family close a chapter in their lives as you helped them sell the family home. Did you stand up for what was right in a tough negotiation (even if it didn’t serve you personally)? Did you connect a client with the perfect lender? That was when you were working from purpose.

2. If you would like to actively pursue purpose in your work all the time, try this: Next time you are talking to a client or someone you may end up working with, really listen to them and ask yourself these questions:

   1. How can I be of use to this person?

   2. What do I need to honor in this situation?

   3. Where does this person need my compassion?

   4. What difference can I make for them?

Give that a try and then come back here and let me know how it goes.